When faced with a Conflict situation, the first step is to maintain your Emotional Equilibrium, where, despite how you might feel inside, you don’t show a reaction. You must keep your ego out of the situation and not allow the other person’s attacks to have any meaning to you.
Know your Conflict Triggers and then develop Trigger Guards, your internal warning system to alert you when you’re in danger of allowing your Emotional Equilibrium to become disrupted — so you can decide to thoughtfully respond rather than instinctively react.
Remember, you are in control of your emotions and your response to the behavior of others.
When someone throws you a verbal punch, you should say something as simple as “appreciate that, but …” Then you either get back to what you’re trying to accomplish or you leave the situation. With Redirections, you acknowledge the attack, but you don't address it; you move past the attack and get back on point.
When dealing with verbal abuse, don't take the bait, defend your ego or lash out. Don't concern yourself with their abusive comments. Your job isn't to fix their attitude, it's to get back on track with the goal of your interaction.
When someone refuses a request, you should use the Persuasion Sequence — by applying the Five Maxims in sequence:
- Ask, don’t tell
- Explain why — set context
- Offer options, not threats
- Give a second chance
- Take appropriate action
The goal of the Persuasion Sequence is to provide an opportunity for voluntary compliance — in a very respectful manner — before needing to take further action.
Often just asking instead of telling and, if needed, explaining why you're asking will result in compliance. However, sometimes you'll need to offer options -- a good option, followed by a bad option and ending on a postive note ("Can you work with me here").
With the "offer options" step, what's important is that the choice is theirs, not yours. It's their decision as to what will happen next.
If the person continues to not comply, you can give a second chance— "Is there anything I could say to get you ______? I'd like to think so.”